and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it's like iHOP with fire
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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