Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
