...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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