Where are you?
In a non slutty way
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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