yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
