Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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