My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
