Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
