I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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