we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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