wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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