There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
