They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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