I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you had me at cake vodka
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
