well you can't waste a boner
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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