I heard we made out
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
