i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
