forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
