I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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