You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
