I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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