i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
