Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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