matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
