I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
how drunk are you?
Several
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
