Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
