we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
