It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
