I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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