If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
