You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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