you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
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