my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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