um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
