I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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