I seem to have left my pride at pride
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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