the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
