just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
