thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
