if you like me you must not know who I am
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
