I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
