I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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