Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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