Whod you bang
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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