Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
