i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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