I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
