Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
