he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize