Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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