There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
