okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
