At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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