is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
