Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
