quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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