the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
