its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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