I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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