Someone shit on the floor
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
