Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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