And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
