I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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