It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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