I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
where are my eyebrows?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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