no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My dick has a subreddit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
