Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
